Julie Fillinger

Is it the most wonderful time of the year?

Several years ago, I walked into a department store and saw a plaque that proudly proclaimed, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!”  
While that is true for many, it’s not so true for those who are suffering or grieving a loss.  
 
I look around and see people trying to get into the Christmas Spirit, but those suffering heartache can’t muster the strength to put on a brave front. I have been there and so have many of you. 

So, this month, every Tuesday before Christmas, I want to share with you some Christmas Courage.   

But I am not going to do it alone. I am going to be interviewing guests that wrote blogs in the series we published this past Summer called Sunlit Stories.  
As it turns out, these guest authors shared some vulnerable moments that have real application for encouraging us at Christmas. I hope you will join us! 

Holidays can still be meaningful  

In the meantime, I want to remind you of how the holidays can still be meaningful.  
 
This time of year begins an onslaught of reminders of how I once gleefully celebrated in ignorant bliss the joys of the season with those I loved. 
 
But with one of those loved ones missing, the holidays will never be the same.   
The reminders can be brutal -all of the picture-perfect social media posts, the empty seat at festive gatherings, and one less person to buy gifts for.  
 
We were miserable the first Christmas after Nicholas died. We still wanted to make things as good as possible for Drew, but he was miserable too. Looking back, two things stand out that were most helpful. 

• I read a book every morning that directed my focus 
• We used the money we would have spent on Nicholas to give to an orphanage that rescued boys. 

It may not ever be the same, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be meaningful. The first year was the hardest, but since then, we have been able to build on what we do to make the holidays not only bearable but also significantly relevant and worthwhile.  

Plan Ahead  

I have to plan ahead to focus my celebration of Christmas.  
My Lord was willing to humble Himself to dwell among us. He left heaven to pay the penalty for my sin so that I could be reconciled to a Holy God.  His virgin birth, sinless life, death, and resurrection make a way for me to be reunited with my loved one for all eternity.  

Daily or weekly readings  

An Advent reading and then lighting a candle every Sunday, the four Sundays leading up to Christmas, is a good way to focus my thoughts and engage my family during the Christmas season.  
 
There are books with a daily reading that have helped direct me to stay engaged in my pursuit to celebrate my Lord’s birth. I choose one to have ready December 1st. There are many to choose from, just do a little research ahead of time.  
 
Or pick from one of my favorites:

• The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp 
• The Names of Jesus by Asheritah Ciuciu 
• The Dawning of Indestructible Joy by John Piper 
• Pursuing the Christ by Jennifer Kennedy Dean 

Putting up the tree

This is a hard one. My sister came over to put Nicholas’ ornaments on the tree the first year. We probably would not have put up a tree, but we were trying to make things as normal as possible for Drew.  
 
Now that Drew is grown and living out of state, we plan to put up the tree Thanksgiving weekend and save some ornaments for Drew when he comes at Christmas.  It can still be solemn, but we reminisce while listening to Christmas music and plan to watch a Christmas movie together afterward. It’s hard, but I am always glad we did it when it is finished.  

Gifts  

We use the money we would have spent on Nicholas, my dad aka Granddaddy, and Eric’s dad aka Pops to buy meaningful gifts in their memory. We put the notification cards in their stockings we hang in their memory and then read them after Christmas dinner. 
 
Even though I do splurge a little on stocking stuffers, we try to keep gift buying for each other simple and have adopted the following as a guide: 

• something you wear 
• something you read 
• something you want 
• something you need  

Sponsor a family  

Our Sunday School class sponsors a family every year and buys gifts, a meal, a washer and dryer, or whatever is needed, etc.  It’s nice to do this with a group so the entire burden is not on you. If you cannot participate with a group or one is not readily available, there are multiple toy drives in which you could participate. 

Holiday Music  

Music penetrates my soul when I am at a loss for words. I play music throughout November and December that speaks Truth about who God is because it is so easy to believe lies.  

Keep Christmas Day manageable.  

I plan the menu ahead of time. There are usually 7 or 8 of us at dinner, but we keep it simple. Eric enjoys smoking a ham and a turkey, which is helpful and delicious. Then I ask others to help with sides and dessert. So, we are each only responsible for one or two things. And everyone helps with clean-up.  
 
Those at my house are old enough to do this. If you have littles, you may want to make a bigger deal of breakfast and then keep the rest of the day super easy. When our children were little, they only cared about the ham, rolls, and sparkling grape juice for Christmas dinner. 
 
Decide when and how you want to do a short Christmas reading. We used Adornaments from Family Life when the boys were little and will still do one of the readings and hang a special ornament on the tree at dinner.  
 
We do a sing along to Christmas hymns after dinner. My favorite is O Come, O Come Emmanuel and I try to get everyone to sing all of the verses. 

Be aware of the New Year   

Just when I think I have made it through all of the hard stuff, the New Year rings in with a slap in the face to remind me of yet another year in which Nicholas will never be a part. I think people are lifting me up in prayer up until that point. Then when they stop, I crash. So, I am mindful to ask my prayer warriors to keep going through the New Year.   

Now it is your turn  

I hope you find this post helpful. Some of you are really struggling and the idea of doing all of this is overwhelming. If you can just pick one thing, I would say pick the music. Keep music on all of the time to help focus your thoughts and worship. 
 

The post Christmas Courage When It’s Not The Most Wonderful Time of the Year   appeared first on julie fillinger.