Julie Fillinger

How Could I Outrun My Reputation?  

I got in trouble a lot in the middle school years, mostly 6 ^th through 9 ^th grade. That’s when I did my best sinning. I got away with a lot, too. What I couldn’t get away with was talking in class, which strangely was probably the least of my offenses. Nearly every day I had to go out in the hall and put my nose on the wall for talking. My sisters who were a couple of years older than me would walk by on their way to lunch. They and their friends would say, “Oh look it’s Julie. What are you out in the hall for this time?” Talking. It was always for talking. Sometimes I wasn’t even the one talking. If the teacher heard talking, she would turn around and look at me or occasionally my friend Yvonne and tell one of us to go out into the hall. She didn’t listen to our protest of innocence the few times we were not actually the culprits because the discipline still achieved her desired result, which was to get the class to be quiet. I mostly got what I deserved, but there were a few times I was wrongly punished because the teacher made incorrect assumptions. I couldn’t outrun my reputation. It followed me for years. Teachers that really liked me would give me the benefit of the doubt, but those that didn’t like me, made false assumptions. There was no in between.  

Paul’s reputation preceded him  

In his letter to Galatia, Paul responds to criticism that he is preaching a gospel that is different from God’s gospel. He is defending the Truth of the Gospel he received from Jesus Christ and those criticizing him are the ones preaching a different one. The problem was he used to be one of them. When he left them, they hated him and falsely accused him. His reputation preceded him at times. But those who believed the Truth, were willing to see the change in him. 

But God changed him  

That’s why Paul’s conversion is so interesting. Paul used to be one of the most fanatical amongst the Jewish religious party. He was so zealous about preserving the traditions of his fathers, he violently tried to destroy the church before it even got started. The thing is, he really believed in what he was doing. That is, until God intervened. God had a plan for Paul’s life and had to radically get a hold of him so he could follow God’s plan, not his own. His story would seem unbelievable if I didn’t trust in the inerrancy and Spirit inspired Word of God. One minute Paul is on his way to Damascus where he is hell bent on dragging Christians out into the street for their beliefs. Then he hears a voice and sees a vision from Jesus Christ Himself asking why he is persecuting Him. He is struck blind for a few days from the light God shone, not only in his eyes but also in his heart. And he is never the same. You can read about it in Acts 9.  

The wilderness experience  

Paul goes and hangs out in the wilderness for a few years where Jesus continues to teach him more about the Gospel. That sounds glorious to me. It seems like a good model for discipleship except how many people get to take off for three years and leave all of their responsibilities behind? I don’t reckon he was married with children and a mortgage.  

The principle can still apply, but what does it look like practically to grow in my faith?  Weekly times together in worship and Bible study, meeting with like-minded Believers to pray, throw in a conference every year to be refreshed. These are all good but what has grown my faith the most is the daily discipline of getting up early and finding God is enough. Being still. Being quiet. Praying God’s Word back to Him and listening to the voice of His Spirit speak to me. I am addicted, so when I don’t get up and do it, the craving won’t go away. There is nothing that satisfies like the love, joy, and peace of those moments. It keeps me coming back for more. 

When the enemy swoops in  

After his wilderness journey, Paul takes several mission trips. It’s on his first journey that he shares the Good News of the Gospel with the region of Galatia. He writes this letter to them later when he hears they are tempted to believe lies after he left. Paul’s former friends were now his enemies and they had swooped in to confuse the Galatians and make false accusations about Paul. That’s what satan is best at. Making accusations, especially when you are not there to defend them. He uses a hint of the truth to make them very believable. It’s the Holy Spirit who helps us to discern the difference.  

A bad reputation turned good.  

Can we ever outrun our reputation? Mine followed me for years. Even after I matured, it took time for the people who knew me previously to believe I wasn’t the same person I once was. Paul had once severely persecuted Christians but after God got a hold of him, he used that same zeal to lead others to Christ.  Maybe it was good he was off the radar for a few years, growing in the grace and knowledge of the Lord. Only God can turn things around so that those who once believed the worst now glorify God because of what they hear about you.  

“and they glorified God because of me.” That’s what I want to be said of me.  

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