The Journey to Saying It Is Well with My Soul

Julie Fillinger • July 29, 2025

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Thank you for joining me this summer for Sunlit Stories . Today I am sharing my story of God’s faithfulness to heal me from anger that robbed my joy and peace. I don’t know if I am ready to say it is well with my soul completely, but I am on the way. 

Julie Fillinger at WKUL radio station

Julie Fillinger

Sunlit Stories

Chapter 8

The Journey to Saying It Is Well with My Soul

The struggle with Saying “It is Well with My Soul.”  

Defining Soul and Spirit 

In chapter three of my book, Courage to Live, I discuss the struggle I have with saying it is well with my soul. Then I justify a meltdown over the hymn with the same name. I define soul as the immaterial part of us that houses who we are as a person -namely our mind, emotion, and will. Sometimes it is well with my soul, sometimes it most assuredly is not. In the book, I make a distinction with our spirit that is the immaterial part of us through which the Holy Spirit testifies Truth that always makes us well.  

The Influence of Music 

A popular song by Mercy Me from 2017 entitled Even If has resonated with me for years, really ever since I learned the miracle of gratitude. It comes from Daniel 3:17-18 where Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego know God is able to deliver them from the fiery furnace, but even if He doesn’t, they will still refuse to bow to king Nebuchadnezzar. The lyrics include God’s ability to make my pain go away with just a word. But even if He doesn’t, my hope is still in Him alone. He’s been faithful and I will cling to Him come what may, asking for the strength to say it is well with my soul.  

Wrestling with Anger Towards God 

A lot of the struggle I had with saying it is well with my soul was my anger towards God. He could have physically saved my son. He had the power to do so, but He chose not to. I couldn’t understand why He wouldn’t want to keep someone like Nicholas on this earth. Nicholas was passionate about life and had a deep capacity to love. He claimed Jesus Christ as His Lord and Savior and stood up for what is right.  

The Role of the Holy Spirit 

As I wrestled with this anger, the Holy Spirit would inevitably and faithfully help me to conclude I could not stay angry with God who gave His Son to die so my son could live, not physically on this earth, but eternally in heaven. This life is a vapor. Eternity is forever. When I could think of nothing to be thankful for, the Holy Spirit would remind me I was indeed thankful for eternal life. To be honest, it wasn’t just because I would be with Jesus but also because I would see Nicholas again. 

The Cycle of Anger and Healing 

My anger would subside for a time. Then when I would hear of some miraculous healing or even a sermon on someone being revived from the dead, the struggle would begin to flare up. The Holy Spirit would again intervene and it would be well with my soul until the next time. If this sounds exhausting, it’s because it is. This cycle went on for nearly twelve years. 

God’s Miraculous Revelation 

The Struggle Had Subsided 

On June 15, 2025, God showed me that He had healed me from my ongoing struggle with anger. My pastor was preaching a sermon from Luke 7:11-17 where Jesus showed His power and authority over death when He revived a widow’s son from the dead. This was normally the type of sermon with which I would struggle. Only this time, I didn’t. It was so surprising while I was sitting there in the pew coming to the realization that I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t struggling with anger at all. I was just rejoicing in the miracle that someone else’s son was revived and that God had performed His own miracle in me. 

Sharing at the Nicholas Fillinger Memorial Run 

I recently shared this revelation at the 12 th annual Nicholas Fillinger Memorial Run. It is my word of testimony that God is faithful and the healing journey continues. I had survived the worst that grief had thrown at me. I was choosing to be okay with living the rest of my life with the ongoing struggle as I learned how to live again after loss. But God, in His infinite grace and mercy, chose to continue to heal my soul.  

My Faith was Tested 

Embracing Joy and Peace 

The very next day the sermon was again about Jesus’s authority over death. This time Jesus revived someone’s daughter. I felt like I was being tested. Would the struggle with anger recur or not? I am a little fearful of saying the struggle will never return, but I can testify today that it has not. I am filled with joy and peace, that anger previously tried to rob from me.  

Moving Forward by Faith  

I don’t know if I am ready to say it is well with my soul completely, but I am on the way. 

Peace I leave with you; My perfect peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge. 

John 14:27 AMP 

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