Julie Fillinger

Ask abundantly  

My pastor has been teaching us about prayer. He had this epic sermon on Palm Sunday we are affectionately calling The Ladder Sermon . Because some of the pastoral associates hauled a big ole ladder on to the stage and yes, he climbed near to the tippy top.

In this sermon, Pastor Tom is convinced we are praying too small because God is able to do far more abundantly than we ask or think according to the power at work in us. (Ephesians 3:20,21). He has continued to give examples of answered prayer that exceeded the request. His enthusiasm is contagious. Because I trust him as a good shepherd to faithfully lead me and feed me, I should be filled with as much excitement as he is. And I want to be, but I also secretly find myself wanting to dampen the Spirit just a bit. And I couldn’t figure out why. What is my problem?  

But what if God says No ?  

I agree with Pastor Tom’s teaching in regard to God’s ability and firmly believe we have access to the same dynamite power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead. (Ephesians 1:18-23). All power and authority are in His hands. I have no doubt about what God is able to do. I waiver about what He is willing to do, and specifically what He is willing to do for me. Because, what if I ask and the answer is no ? I am afraid to ask for big things because it’s crushing to be told no. How did I get here? 

When Nicholas was in the Emergency Room, I stood outside his door begging God to save him. I told Him everyone would know this was a miracle that only He could do and He would receive all the Glory. But God said no. He said no and my world was rocked in devastation. My faith didn’t waiver initially because shock and the Holy Spirit gave me a brave face for a few months.  

Then I would cry out to God and ask Him in grief-stricken desperation to raise Nicholas from the dead. I even quoted examples from His Word where He had done this, again telling Him He would receive all the Glory, knowing only He could do this. But God said no.  

Then I plummeted to the depths of hellish anguish, barely able to muster a cry for help. Yes, my prayer warriors could be counted on as I humbly cried out asking them to engage in the battle to lift me before our Father’s Throne of Grace, and I would receive some miraculous relief. But when I asked for sustained relief from the dark cloud of grief that constantly hovered, God said no.  

And I just wanted to know, when is God going to say, yes ? I saw Him saying yes to so many others who asked in faith believing He can do what He says. Why did I only get told no ? 

God answered me  

God took some time to answer me. And what I discovered when He did answer why I was told no was that I had an impoverished view of who He is. I am still growing in my understanding, and I believe this will continue for all eternity. But what I have come to know through study and experience is that because of the eternal nature of my God, He allows me to suffer so that He can offer me something better that has eternal significance. He wants me to be completely mature, not lacking any good thing He is able to give now as a deposit with future riches in store. He owns everything and is able to give possessions, power, and prestige, but these temporary treasures pale in comparison to the lasting spiritual gifts He has in mind.  

The gifts He wants to give me, that only come by His Spirit, He longs to give in abundance but can only do so as I grow. And the process of growth is through pain. I spent a lot of time wishing it were not so. But then I studied Hebrews and discovered even Jesus Christ had to suffer for His Father to complete the work He started in Him. So who am I to think He will complete the work He started in me with anything less?  

By faith…  

Hebrews 11 tells us it is impossible to please God without faith and it is by faith that we receive our commendation. Many of those listed in this Hall of Faith died without receiving on this earth what they were promised. They could have received it. They saw it and waved to it, but then traded it in for something better, a better country, a heavenly one. God had prepared a City for them.  

Many of the bible stories I learned in Sunday School as a child come to mind as the writer of Hebrews details incredible victories of those who conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, and put foreign armies to flight. 

 Every child loves these great stories where God prevails! But the writer, here in Hebrews, focuses on the FAITH more than the deeds. It is By Faith they were able to do these things. Because it was the One in whom their faith was placed that enabled them to do it.  

The writer then turns to verses that need to come with a warning. I have to admit, I do not understand why such violence is a part of suffering that God uses to make us more like Christ. But I do take comfort in knowing that our Lord does not ask us to endure anything He was not willing to endure Himself. 

People were flogged, stoned, imprisoned, and sawn in two. It stands in stark contrast to the incredible successes of those in the previous verses. Why some men and women of faith are delivered and others left to be tortured to death by nefarious means is a mystery that only God knows. But God counts those who did not appear victorious in this life along with those who did. This world was not worthy of them. And God provided them and us something better.  

Then God said yes  

God used this and other things He was working in my life to teach me His plan is better and His ways are better.  And when I insisted on my way, what I was really saying was not your will, Father, but mine be done. In so doing, I missed the best He had for me. When I relinquished my will for His, a miracle happened, and He was  then able to say yes to sustained relief from the grief cloud that constantly hovered. It was as if He was saying the suffering had a purpose to work in me what otherwise would not have been done, and that purpose was completed.  

It takes courage to live with God’s will in view, that His no’s are for bigger and better future yesses. I am not ready to say when God closes a door, He opens a window because that just sounds too cliché when we are talking about pain and suffering and losses. But I can ask for big things here and now with a view that His answer is in context of all eternity. I have brothers and sisters in heaven that endured the same and more. And they are cheering me on to victory when we all will be perfectly joined together. 

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