“What If…?”  – Navigating Anxiety and Uncertainty in the “What ifs” of Life

Julie Fillinger

The Ubiquity of Anxiety 

Is there anyone out there who has not dealt with anxiety in some form or fashion over their life? If so, you can stop reading now. 

Anxiety seems to be a given, ubiquitous in the human experience – maybe chronic and severe, maybe just seasonal or episodic. In my practice of family medicine I see patients every week dealing with this… 

The “What if…?” Mindset 

Anxiety lives in the world of “What if…?“ What if this happens, what if that happens, what if I can’t handle it…”what if…?” 

For better or worse, I am prone to contemplating the “what ifs” in life. That may serve me well in my job, as it helps me consider what a patient may be dealing with…”what if ______ is causing their symptoms?” The hardest diagnosis to treat is one you don’t consider.  

Likewise the hardest situations to deal with in life are situations we are not prepared for…in my job, prevention of problems is much better than fixing them, and one way to do that is to anticipate all possibilities.  I tend to carry that over to my own life and try to contemplate and be prepared for any and all things that could happen. 

We are NOT in control 

Unfortunately, that isn’t possible…we can’t possibly foresee all things that could happen, nor were we created to shoulder that kind of load. We cannot, indeed should not, know all the things in the hidden will of God for our lives and our loved ones. It would simply be too much.   

My pastor once said that anxiety occurs when we realize that we are NOT in control of what happens in our own lives, and the things around us. When we realize that, and realize we can’t even anticipate the possibilities, and we can’t prepare for a problem we can’t anticipate, it’s very easy to spin out mentally, and ask, “What if…..?”

My Personal Experience 

In  June of 2022, I noticed a knot on the right side of my neck.  Doctors and nurses tend to make difficult patients because we think of the worst possibilities first. Naturally, cancer was my immediate concern. “What if this is cancer? If it is, what kind?” The mind races… “what if, what if….?” 

 Five months and several tests later, I was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma in my right tonsil and 3-4 positive nodes in the right side of my neck. The week before Thanksgiving 2022, I had my tonsils and lymph nodes on the right side of my neck removed. The day after Christmas, I started head and neck radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Thankfully, no chemotherapy was required. 

After surgery, I was not as concerned about dying from this, but the side effects, weight loss, pain, and discomfort from 6 weeks of radiation to my throat and neck were considerable and significant. While I was told they would improve some after treatment, there was no way to predict how much better or how long it would take. “What if…they didn’t?” 

Dealing With Anxiety God’s Way 

I Realized Anxiety was Counterproductive 

Now two years later, all scans remain clear and most of the side effects from radiation and surgery have been resolved. God has shown me much, including ways to deal with the anxieties and “what if’s” of life. I was reminded of the wisdom of Jesus’ words in Matthew 6 when he said ”Can you add a single cubit to the span of your life by worrying?”.  The short answer  is “no” – but anxiety and worry can literally shorten the length of our lives and decrease the quality of it. Reasonable planning is one thing but worry and anxiety are counterproductive. 

I Let God Manage What was Outside of My Control 

I also experienced something the apostle James talked about in James 5, “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring—what your life will be! For you are like vapor that appears for a little while, then vanishes. Instead, you should say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’” Focus on today, and what is in front of you this day. Jesus also reminds us, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Don’t get caught looking too far ahead. Too many things are beyond our control there, and 98% of those things never happen. Let God manage those things. 

Now I Worship Differently 

I also experienced God’s promises and presence in a way that would not have been possible without the cancer…worship is different when you feel broken. God knows anxiety is part of living in a fallen creation, and as a loving Father, promises to be there and to go with us and comfort us and experience Him in ways that we can’t in good times. Do a search on “God’s promises about anxiety.” Spend more time with Him, in whatever form that may take. 

Holding God’s Promises Close 

“What if…we knew those promises and held them close to our hearts and minds when anxieties crash in? “What if…?” 

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